What Happens When You Die?

By Robyn O'Connell
Illustrated by Amber Biagini
Brolga Publishing, $19.95pb, 36pp, 192078527-2

As a parent, one of the biggest challenges can be explaining tough concepts to young children. And explaining them in a way that the child can comprehend without scaring or alarming them.

One such concept is death.

Understanding death can be hard enough for adults, but it is very difficult for youngsters who don't know that ‘ever' and ‘never' mean more than an hour or two. ‘He will never come back' just doesn't convey the whole message to the child who wants to see Grandad or a favourite Uncle.

There are also many aspects of death that we as adults don't know or think about until we have to. How many of us know what a coroner really does or how long it takes to receive the ashes after a cremation?

Given our own ignorance and taboos, explaining death to our children is something we avoid until we have no choice. Of course, by the time we have no choice, we are also emotional and vulnerable which makes the explaining harder and painful. Perhaps we need to consider explaining such concepts to our children slowly so there isn't a shock for them when they do actually have to face the reality; and we never know when that reality might hit.

O'Connell's book makes the explaining much easier. The book gives parents and other carers something concrete to work with, rather than trying to find a way to raise the topic.

It is an honest book that deals with a young boy's questions when his Uncle dies unexpectedly from an asthma attack. The boy, Jamie, wants to understand why everyone is crying and feeling sad, but doesn't always feel able to ask questions. He notices that Dad sighs a lot and doesn't really want to talk about it all, which is exactly how parents react to difficult questions from their children.

The story is important as it enables parents to discuss the issue but also to learn about helping their children through the entire process. For instance, many parents question taking their children to viewings and funerals, but Jamie's parents explain what happens and give Jamie the option to choose for himself. Seeing his Uncle in the coffin helps Jamie understand how final death is so it was a valuable experience for him. Likewise, Jamie is taken out afterwards so that he can talk to his parents about what he saw and felt. Going to his favourite café also gives him a happier experience to regain his equilibrium.

Brolga and O'Connell bravely picture and discuss a coffin in a children's story. Obviously, it is context appropriate but also takes it out of the category of bed time reading. O'Connell's introduction requests that parents read the book for themselves in preparation for reading it to children, and this is wise advice. Parents with their own taboos need to deal with them and the images of a coffin before they are under the scrutiny of curious little eyes.

Presumably to be broadly acceptable, Uncle Mark's funeral is a civil service and there is no mention of Heaven or an afterlife. It is left to parents to decide whether they add the religious and cultural beliefs into the discussions during and after reading the book.

Biagini's illustrations are bright and colourful. They illustrate the key points in the story without including unnecessary details and again, they are showing the child's perspective. Not all adults will like the simplistic style of the characters, but they apparently appeal to children.

One inconsistency marred the story (Nana becomes Gran at one point) but it is easy to read and relate to. Obviously, O'Connell's experience as a bereaved parent and a grief counsellor have given her the knowledge and understanding to present death in a simple, non-threatening way for families to read together.

For further information about dealing with death, including the involvement of children, please refer to Save Time Online's death resources.